The widow's satnav (to be read in your best satnav voice ;-) )

Look at the road ahead
Try not to be afraid.
After one day, do not pull the brake,
Instead, organise funeral and wake.

After one week, return meds to the chemist
And inform the doctor and the dentist.
Gather his clothes and what can be given
Donate to Red Cross or Save the Children.

After one month, turn left,
Right, centre, at the Invites roundabout
Take them all, not just the best
Believe me, they’ll soon dry out.

After 1 year, congratulations
But keep your safety belt on,
Look around, it’s plain to see
The road ahead is still quite rocky.

After 3 years, gasping for affection
You may signal a new direction.
If the road ends up undrivable
Turn around as soon as possible.

After 10, 20, 30 years...
(Don’t know yet!)

After 40 years, run into Jesus' arms
They’ve been waiting, nice and warm
After all these trials and tribulations
You have reached your final destination.

WAY on earth, GTS in heaven

On this side we are WAY
But there, beyond the tomb
They've got their group and they
Call themselves Gone Too Soon.

They've got a wide-screen TV
To which they stick like glue
On Channel Earth they see
What we're getting up to.

They see us in their sheds
Using their saws and drills
Assembling tables and beds
They're proud of our new skills.

When we too want to die
They whisper in our ear
While we shout at God "WHY!!!???"
They say "Darling, I'm here."

They see it all and tell their friends
"My baby's growing bigger!"
"Mine's off to Centerparcs again"
"And mine's going to Hurghada!"

They watch us at tenpin bowling
"Mine's good at that kind of thing."
They watch A-levels results days
"My son's got 3 Bs and 2 As!"

Sometimes, it's bound to happen
Life goes on, love takes its course
Two people laugh up in heaven
"Oh look, mine's shacked up with yours!"

The other WAY

On this earth all together
We are Widowed and Young
We do support each other
And keep each other strong. 

But up there in the sky 
There is another WAY
Where our girls and our guys
Look on us night and day. 

Those who left so quickly
Without a final kiss
Now love us endlessly
In their eternal bliss. 

Those who were so ill
And lost the fight to death
Now and forever will
Enjoy the best of health. 

And when I paint my nails
The smells wafts up to heaven
And Mick, who hates it, wails
"Wor lass's at it agyen!"